So you've had a few glasses of wine. 

This is me talking to you.

You always remember Him...and that night it happened. 

That one never goes away. It always makes you angry, and slightly self destructive. You seem to seek some kind of support for it, something like an arm round you. Something you didn't get from your surroundings.

Yes that bothers you too. You remember the guillt too. the enormous portion you dealt yourself coupled with the one they dealt you. Because She saw and couldn't save. The shame, embarrassment, the advice to shrug it off. You did it. You got past it, alone. 

You need to know.....its ok. You  struggle with anxiety, you fight off depression like its some monster that lurks round corners as you go about your daily life. Keep fighting it. It will not own you. You've done it before, you can take it. It will chase you relentlessly and you will forever outpace it. Trust yourself. 

Focus on music. 

Ignore everybody's negative comments on how your kids ignore you, how your house is a mess. 
Sometimes ignore the pressure you put on yourself. 
You don't need to be anything for anyone. 

Your kids are ok, growing up is hard. And you can't fix all their problems. Don't despair. Sometimes they need to know that they need to fix things a little bit themselves. Don't assume you're failing every time your babies are unhappy. Life is full of ups and downs. The biggest and most devious trick you can play on them is convincing them that difficulty doesn't exist. 

From me to you and you to me. 



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